I had an epiphany tonight. Reuben lost the birthright due to sleeping with Bilhah. I never understood why that would give the birthright to Judah, the fourth born, until tonight. Simeon and Levi must have lost their place in line after avenging Dinah's virtue and tricking and slaying all those men, many of whom were probably just innocent people. I had never really given much weight in past readings to what they did, but now that I really ponder them I realize how egregious their actions were.

From verse 1: "...let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,"

This really reminded me of that dream I had where Dad and Kevin and I were running down that path.

Verses 6-8:
6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
8 But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.

I was afraid to read the chapter when I read the chapter heading, "Whom the Lord loves he chastens", but how can I be accept all that the Lord has to offer if I run from every chastening experience? How can I grow?

11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

This reminds me of a workout; it even uses the word "exercised". My workouts can be really painful, but as I build tolerance it gets easier, more enjoyable, and I gradually begin to enjoy the fruits of my labors.

The feeling I get from this chapter is that if we don't accept these chastening experiences then we won't be able to withstand the full presence of the Lord. The last verse even says, "For our God is a consuming fire."

I thought Hebrews was really boring up to this point, but it's possible that I'm just now "waking up".

I posted this comment on my dad's blog and wanted to keep it here too.

"I don't really think of faith being the opposite of science. Rather, I feel like science has a spectrum. One the one end are the more crude, the earthy, the temporal. At the other end, the most refined branch, is faith, with some parts beyond the human capacity to measure or understand."

Wrote this down last night after praying:

I just got finished praying. It was a much longer prayer than usual, and I did a lot of just pouring out my heart. Near the end I prayed for more inspiration, that although the whole idea of receiving inspiration seemed intimidating to me I would like it, because I felt like it helped me to be better with myself and my family.

I let my mind wander near the end, thinking that perhaps some day I might have faith like the mustard seed. Then I mused that the size of an atom would probably be more accurate. Then it happened again, just like before. I was like my mind "opened" for a moment.

Atoms, the building blocks of matter. Of course! I began thinking about the size of the more refined matter that I believe are present when miracles occur. Those could be even smaller than atoms, but if even one of those refined particles were as big as a mustard seed then of course something like moving mountains could occur.

Matthew 17:20 "...for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."

It's all about acting on faith... maybe even "Activating" on Faith, like acting on perfect faith is the catalyst for miracles to occur. I'm certain from my prayer tonight that these personal revelations are so I can be a better mother and wife. It's all a lot to think about.

I had a really crazy dream this morning. It sounds like an adventure and mixture of scripture stories all rolled up into one awesome tale. I'll give a condensed version here:

It was November, and Justin, Hannah, and I were going to Texas to visit for Thanksgiving. I was kidnapped at the airport, it was really dark, and the next thing I know I'm in some country (maybe Syria) being held hostage. Unfortunately I don't remember who I am or anything about me. When they are arguing to each other I answer them in Arabic and it surprises them. They ask me to speak different languages and find out that I can speak any language I think about. They assume I am an important linguist and create a hostage video that they send to the United States. Linda recognizes me in the video and calls mom and dad and Justin. Meanwhile the US doesn't negotiate with terrorists, so the men say they are going to execute me the next morning. I say a prayer in Arabic to God. I say I don't know who I am, but I know God is real and can protect me. I ask for help and for mercy, and when my prayer is finished all the men have passed out. I dress in an Arabic woman's clothes and pack supplies and escape to the borders of Israel. Men at the border try to shoot me, but none of the bullets touch me. I walk up to the border and say that God has led me here to save me and bring me home. The spirit is so strong in me that the men are utterly confounded and let me pass.

As I travel through Israel a group of friends/family allows me to come into their home. I am able to speak to them in Hebrew, and I explain how I can't remember anything about who I am or where I come from. I tell them about escaping from the terrorists and my prayer, and the group wonders at my religion, so I start to sift through what I knew to be true. I began to bear my testimony that they were the chosen people, but that Jesus Christ is the Savior, and that he would come down to earth soon to let them know. As I bore my testimony of what I knew to be true a man who hadn't said anything yet commented that I sounded like a Mormon. As soon as he said it I remembered Joseph Smith, and I bore to them my testimony of the restoration and modern day revelation and even how the Gentiles can be adopted into the house of Israel. They were extremely intrigued by the conversation, and they helped me get to a government building where the President of the US could be contacted.

I was flown home and was able to meet with the president. He and several others wanted to hear my story. They showed me my identity (which I still could not remember) and showed me a picture of Justin and Hannah. I couldn't remember them, but I said "The man is handsome." I had absolutely no record of knowing any other languages besides English, so they were very curious how I could speak Arabic, Russian, French, Hebrew, and every other language with perfect fluency. I simply told them that it was the power of God so that I could declare the truth of his gospel. They wanted to hear how I escaped, and some of them were extremely incredulous, but I could tell which ones they were and called them out. I bore my testimony of every prophet from Adam to Joseph Smith to Thomas S. Monson. Some of them were so wrought upon by the spirit that they asked me how they could know that this is true too. I told them to kneel in mighty prayer and repent and keep praying for truth and light until the Lord would visit them with his Spirit. I told them not to be afraid of the truth, that they would be blessed more than they would be able to receive. We all prayed and were completely overcome by the spirit.

I slept in the hospital that night, so that some tests could be run. The next morning I could remember who I was and everything about my past. I was speaking so quickly that the nurse had to tell me to calm down. All I wanted to do was see my family though. I couldn't remember what had happened at all during my amnesia, and someone had to tell me. I was very very surprised, but felt extremely blessed. I could not speak any more languages besides English. It was just as before. Before my plane left to see Justin I implored the president to not be afraid of truth and light and to find the missionaries of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

When I arrived in Salt Lake, Mom and Dad and Justin and Hannah and most of my siblings were there waiting for me. Dad had tears in his eyes.

Over the next few weeks most if not all of the people who were with the president in that room with me were baptized. At first some people wanted to impeach the president, (Glenn Beck even commented on it. "Oh so no one cared when the President might have been part of a radical Muslim extremist group, but now that he's LDS it's mass panic. Come ON people! Get a grip.") but the others with the president preached so diligently that most of Washington DC were soon converted. It was like a ripple effect throughout the whole United States. The most amazing thing I'd ever seen. Only the most hardened people refused to be touched by the spirit.


A few more things followed, but I woke up with tears in my eyes. What a story. What a testimony to me. It was like the scripture stories came to life in my own life. Wow. It was amazing. I do know that the church is true. God lives and speaks to us with revelation through modern day prophets. I love the church so much.

You haven't truly experienced beauty until you've been 10,000 feet above sea level standing on a cliff looking at mountains, trees, and blue sky for miles. Going to the Uintas was a truly breathtaking, unforgettable experience.

So, we got up at 5 in the morning on the 1st, packed our stuff up, picked up Joe, and drove to the Wasatch National Forest. It was gorgeous, but I was a bit nervous about hiking 8 miles up a mountain. We didn't actually begin hiking until 10 a.m. Justin tried to let me know when there would be uphills and downhills, but after only 10 minutes of hiking I needed a break. I'd been on hikes, but never never never at such an altitude. Luckily for me, Justin and Joe began to get altitude sickness, because they hadn't gone on the hike for 5 years themselves, so in the last two miles I got extra breaks without complaint . What should have only been a 3 hour hike took me over 4 hours to complete!

It started raining by the time we got our tents set up, so we all agreed that it would be wise to take naps. Justin and Joe took very long naps, but I woke up and went outside for a while. Another group had come up with horses which were currently grazing by our tents, so I sat on a wet rock to watch them. After a while I went back to sleep for an hour or so then got up to fix Justin and Joe soup. I felt so bad for them. As weak as I felt, I was grateful that I didn't have the headaches and nauseousness that Justin and Joe felt, so I took it upon myself to doctor them up! We went to Naturalist Basin, where you're not allowed to make fires, so I made Justin chicken noodle soup on a tiny, portable, butane stove. Joe ended up making his own soup which I was fine with, because it let me check up on my hubby. Poor Justin, I felt so sorry for him, but all the same I was SOOO excited to finally get to be taking care of him instead of him taking care of me. It wasn't long before we finished our soups, got ready for bed and went to sleep.

There was a steady drizzle the whole night, and I had a lot of trouble falling asleep. I tossed around for about two hours, my mind alive, frightened of bears and lightning. When I started to get relaxed I checked Justin's watch: 10:24 p.m. I began gradually to drift to sleep as the rain picked up. The next thing I knew a spooked horse not far from our camp whinnied so loudly and excruciatingly that I was absolutely positive a bear was shredding him to bits!! I checked the watch again. 10:43 p.m. I WAS SO MAD! There was no bear, just a dumb old horse that woke me up after 10 precious minutes of sleep! Justin calmed me down, and I eventually fell back asleep.

The next morning at 6:45-ish Justin got up and I tried to follow, but I couldn't move my legs. NEVER had I felt such pain in my calves. I thought they would seize-up, pull a muscle and explode all at the same time! Clearly I didn't prepare well enough for hiking the 8 miles. So, I didn't get up until 8-o'clock. Justin and Joe were feeling much better, but I was nauseous, sore, and hungry. Justin remedied my hunger by making a delightful blueberry oatmeal for me.

Despite having to waddle for the first little bit to stretch my legs (every time I sat for more than 10 minutes I had to re-stretch all over again) I was excited about fishing. Justin told me there was no way I wouldn't catch a fish, so I was all eagerness and anticipation. We camped at Lake Jordan so we hiked around it for about 10 minutes to get to a good spot. Joe caught a fish before I was even ready to cast! Justin caught one second. Joe caught 3 more, and I was beginning to feel a little disappointed, but I held my temper...

Then my lure got stuck in a tree. I don't know how it got wrapped in three branches AND a rock, but I must have a talent for it! Justin helped me and convinced me to change my lure to a gold spinner instead of a rainbow one. FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY I caught a little fish, and I was so excited!

 

Hehe, I was so excited. After that things really started to pick up. I caught three more small fish, and two eatable ones. We caught 18 fish total and kept 7 of them to eat. The places we fished were Jordan Lake and Lake Laconte, and Shaeler Lake after dinner. In Shaeler Lake I hooked a 14-inch Brook Trout, but it was so big and fat, and my drag was too tight, so my line broke and I lost my lure... .

Well, we were all excited about fish for dinner... oh dear. What a fiasco... We brought Easy-Squeeze Margarine Substitute to fry the fish in, so we filleted the fish, coated them in flour and lemon pepper, and got the pan warmed up and put the "butter" on. I kept telling Joe he should take it off the pan, because the Easy-Squeeze was solidifying instead of melting, but the boys wouldn't listen. I left to take a nap but couldn't sleep, so I came back five minutes later to the smell of charred Easy-Squeeze. It had turned BLACK! Justin had another idea to cook the fish on sticks, and it worked fairly well, but I don't think any of us had more than one fillet before we decided to burn the fish and bury them.

I had so much fun, and I was a little sad to be going home so soon, but the next morning came, and we hiked back the 8 miles again. For the first 6 miles I was doing great! But on the last little bit my shins and calves began hurting so badly I thought I might die! Justin held my hand and helped me through it, and I never loved him so much in my whole life as I did at that moment when he took my hand to guide me. He always stood by me to make sure I was okay. I love him so much.

We made it back to the car in 3 hours! w00t! I had surpassed my expectations and felt so accomplished. On the way out we stopped at a scenic overview and Justin pointed out where had hiked around and up the mountains. I was... FLABBERGASTED! I couldn't believe we had gone so far and I had survived! It made me appreciate all the more how much I know the Lord strengthened me. I felt so blessed, so amazed, so... EVERYTHING!

When we made it into the little town of Kamas we stopped at a place that Justin's family loves called Oakley's Polar King. I ordered a fish sandwich, and Justin (his eyes bigger than his stomach) ordered a double bacon cheeseburger. After we were stuffed with hearty food we made it back to Logan, dropped Joe off, and went home. I think it was the best trip I have ever been on in my entire life, and I am so blessed to have a husband who was there to help me every step of the way.